"Blog Wars: Stupid? Or Just Plain Dumb?"

I've always been one to try and stay away from online drama. Recently, a misunderstanding led me to believe that someone, whom I have a great relationship with, was questioning my honesty/motivations/integrity concerning my shameless promotion of the film "The Black Dahlia Haunting" (a film which I, along with many others, loved--conversely, some people seem to dislike it quite a bit). The whole situation went downhill fast, with personal attacks coming in from all angles, along with a few attacks on the projects of some wholly innocent film-makers.

 

As it turned out, the website post in question wasn't about me, but it got me thinking--What a fucking waste of energy all this was! Why would fellow horror bloggers waste the time it takes to bag on each other? I, for one, hope the whole thing is in the past now, buried deep, never to resurface again...

 

But, you know, I let my anger get the best of me, as a blogger/reviewer, I'm used to getting nasty emails accusing me of all kinds of stuff. Example-Jessica Cameron, she's an actress who always speaks her mind, whether it pisses people off or not. We've become good friends in the past couple of years, but believe me, when it came time to review her directorial debut, "Truth or Dare", I thought to myself, "oh shit! if it's good and I say so, I'm going to eat shit for saying so". So, I watched it, it was great, so I gave it a glowing review. Sure enough, 2 days later, I get the "feedback". "You must want to bang her or she's giving you a quote on the box, because it CAN'T be good". To which, I would, had I bothered to, reply "watch the fucking thing, you dickface!!". But film makers are, or should be, used to bad/mediocre/vitriolic reviews. The thing is, WHAT GIVES SOMEONE THE RIGHT TO REVIEW A REVIEWER'S REVIEW????

 

I understand, I'll like some films that other people will hate, different strokes for different folks and all that shit. But with the advent of the internet and social media, it's not just disagreeing anymore! The art of trolling has made itself very prevalent in the world of indie horror! Beyond just a simple difference of opinions, this type of behavior can sabotage someone's career, make distribution hard to get for projects, and effectively "black-list" people.

 

I think, that we, as a community of bloggers and reviewers, should do better! Working together and cross promoting each others stuff can only bring positive results. I often pimp others' sites/blogs--especially with James at WickedChannel and Ginder with "Lost in the 80's",and they reciprocate, which benefits us all. Sure, I've bagged on some of the "major" sites, along with some individual reviewers, but they usually don't bother with the truly low budget stuff like we do.

 

Seriously, the trolling/hate-spew/flame wars need to stop! Look at all of the shit that's went down in just the last year or so: Rebekah Herzberg, who, along with being really easy on the eyes, writes a brilliant blog, was almost trolled off the entire internet by an actress or someone posing as an actress or some shit. Char Hardin, someone whose opinion I respect (and you should too) has had butt-hurt people take shots at her, and "The Dolls of Despair" group has pretty much imploded with in-fighting. And I'm not even going to go into the bloggers/reviewers that publicly bash films/talent because of all manner of real or imagined slights--I even voluntarily ate some crow after acting like a cunt to the Soskas for not getting a screener for "American Mary".

 

 

 

The point I'm trying to make (wait...there's a point to this rambling bullshit?) is, we, as bloggers/reviewers have a responsibility, and a power, that we need to be careful with. I seriously doubt anyone of us is making a "living" doing this, but the people that make the movies we watch likely are. So, if you don't like someone's opinion, don't like their film, don't like their shirt, don't like the shape of their genitals, or whatever the fuck, feel free to disagree, that's what makes us human and individuals. But, for fuck's sake, do it with a little dignity and respect--you'll find you'll get the same in return, and if you don't, rest assured in the knowledge that the person in question will most certainly have a finite shelf life in this genre. And also, I'm guilty of this, don't JUMP TO

CONCLUSIONS!!!

 

 

For the record, I love and adore the following people and films (among a ton of others not listed)-Brandon Slagle, James DePaolo, Debbie Rochon, Devanny Pinn, Cameron Scott, Debbie Rochon, Thomas Berdinski, Debbie Rochon, "The Black Dahlia Haunting", Jessica Cameron,  "Post Mortem, America 2021", Debbie Rochon, WickChannel.com, Chicken Wings, Debbie Rochon, John Ginder, Jen & Sylvia Soska, Debbie Rochon, Rebekah Herzberg, Derek Huey...

 

 

Also, keep any comments positive or keep 'em to yourself--thanks!!

 

 

 

 

 



 



It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year! (no, not Christmas...)

Happy (early) Halloween! It's a horror fan's favorite time of the year, and, unfortunately, aside from the recent "Carrie" redux and a few others, there's not a big seasonal flick in cinemas. October used to be the exclusive territory of the recent "franchise" flicks like "Saw" or "Paranormal Activity", but, thus far, there's not really a new brand-name to step into the breach. But, then again, "new" being the operative word, it's not that surprising, Hollywood treats "new", especially in the horror genre, like cancer these days...

 

There is, however, hope in the indie world! Brandon Slagle's fine "The Black Dahlia Haunting" and Pearry Teo's "Dracula-The Dark Prince" flick (with Jon Voight!) are in stores and on rental menus. You're probably tired of hearing me spew about BDH by now, but def check it out, and although I haven't yet seen it, Teo does great stuff, and I'd bet his new take on Dracula is interesting and well done, so buy a copy and support original ideas!!
 

 

 

Speaking of seasonal fare, I re-visited "Ginger Snaps" this weekend, along with it's darkly weird second entry and it's completely screwy "Snaps Back" effort. I had seen and enjoyed the first one (it's absolutely a "top 5" werewolf flick for me!), but had never taken a look at the other 2, even though I've owned the DVDs for years. Emily Perkins and Katherine Isabelle are really excellent together, great chemistry, and their superb dancing on the fine line between terror and humor in the original is a true pleasure to watch.
 

 

Check 'em out if you haven't already, even "Ginger Snaps Back" if for nothing else than Hugh Dillon's truly steeee-range turn as a minister. I'm pretty sure that if you're making a film in Canada these days, you have to clear it with Katherine Isabelle first, it's, like, a law or something. I'll have to ask Jessica Cameron...

 

After remarking that I'd never seen Adam Ahlbrandt's "Burnt House", he very graciously sent me a blu-ray copy (review coming soon!) along with a copy of his novella "Into The Chasm". "The Cemetery" and "Cross Bearer" are both exercises in brutal, violent fun and are the most metal flicks out there, so to say I was intrigued by the fact that dude had wrote a novella would be an understatement.

I read the whole thing in one sitting, and wow! a brutally frank, soul scarring journey into a man's psyche while dealing with love lost, self destruction, hope and finally redemption. It plays like a modern, vulgar version of "the Odyssey" and it's prose and imagery invoke both Bukowski and, at times, Barker, if you can wrap your fucked up little mind around that!

Buy a digital copy on Amazon if you don't want to take my word for it!

http://www.amazon.com/Into-The-Chasm-ebook/dp/B00AR34S4O#_

Also, if you're not now, you should be reading "Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash"--it's great, I'm glad Cassie Hack is back, and it's more awesome writing from Tim Seeley! Can I get a "Fuck Yeah!"?

 

 

Reviews coming soon for: more Dustin Wayde Mills sickness, another journey into Bill Zebub's depraved mind, the aforementioned "Burnt House" and "Wisp" a new series! Check NerdRemix and my social media crap for updates...

 

Happy Halloween! Here's hoping your week is filled with: candy, cider, cool Fall air, and hot chicks in slutty costumes!!

 

 

Clementines--They're Not Just Those Little Tangerine Thingies...

 

How excited do I get when I hear a film is in the works featuring some of my favorite people in indie horror?? How excited do I get when I read an early draft of the script from said film, and it was sublimely obscene?? In the case of "The Darling Clementines", coming soon from the twisted mind of JimmyO Burril, I get very fucking excited!!

 

I love April and JimmyO's stuff, it's no secret. "The Chainsaw Sally Show", "The Good Sisters" (with the amazing, delicious, talented, gorgeous Debbie Rochon), and "Silver Scream"--they all hold little dark places in my heart. So a few months ago, JimmyO let me read a early version of "The Darling Clementines", because he's very cool and also knows I'm a huge geek when it comes to his work (I think I've seen "The Good Sisters" twice as many times as he has...), to say I was excited is an understatement. TDC contained all of the envelope pushing, blood splattering, and psycho-sexual mayhem that Burril is known and loved for. Shameless pasting of my ugly mug in 3-2-1...

 

 

 

And now, the film that has me all a-flutter, is moving forward with Fatality Films, and is firming up casting--this is gonna be GOOD!!! The official press follows--they're better at this than I am:

 

Fatality Films, owned and operated by Scott Spiegel and Andrea Albin, has announced its newest production, "The Darling Clementines", a disturbing film written and directed by JimmyO Burril, the mind behind "The Chainsaw Sally Show". The production is set to take place this fall in southern Mississippi.

Starring in this film includes such notables as April Burril ("The Chainsaw Sally Show"), Debbie Rochon ("Wrath of the Crows"), Lynn Lowry ("Cat People") and Vernon Wells ("Mad Max 2: Road Warrior").

 

The film centers around the Stevens family vacation, which is tragically cut short by three sisters, hell bent on taking the seed of the males to propagate the Clementine bloodline.

In the world of the Clementines, men are little more than swine, barely fit for breeding, and women of other blood are worth far less. The Stevens family will find themselves abducted, beaten and tortured physically, mentally and sexually as the Clementine sisters seek to break the men to their will and fill their fertile wombs.

"Fill the Earth, and subdue it."

www.facebook.com/thedarlingclementines

www.facebook.com/fatalityfilms

That's right my freaky friends, April & Debbie!!! And some genre legends!! And Susan Adriensen (well, that's not in the press release....but I've heard things...)!!! Are you geeking out as bad as me? I thought so!!! Rest assured, I'm going to follow the progress of this sick bitch of a film very closely!!
Look out here and on NerdRemix.com for updates as I sniff them out...

Blasphemy, with a side order of boobs...the films of Bill Zebub

A few years ago, as I wandered my first ever Cinema Wasteland convention (if you've never been to one of these, you REALLY need to...), I walked past a table, manned by an indie film maker plying his wares, and was handed a promo card featuring a still photo of a nun, nude from the waist down, in the process of being mounted by a desiccated corpse. As if this wasn't disturbing enough, I had an old friend with me, who happens to be a devout Catholic, his reaction to the card was priceless!

            The film maker in question was Bill Zebub, the promo card was for his film "Zombiechrist". I was intrigued to say the least...

 

            Fast forward to few Wastelands later, I managed to pick up "Zombiechrist" from the man himself (who, by the way, was wearing a most excellent King Diamond tee shirt--how can you NOT like a guy wearing that?). This, friends, started me down a slippery slope of depravity and laughs from Mr. Zebub--who, it turns out, is made up of equal parts: Bill Hicks, Kenneth Anger, and Sam Raimi, all wrapped up in one big, fucked up, package. Below are a few words on each of the films in this indie renegade's canon that I've witnessed thus far.

 

"Zombiechrist"--My trial by fire, so to speak. A completely over-the-top, blasphemous tale of Christ as a re-animated corpse. Rife with: laughs, cheesy effects, and the trampling of Christian mythology (and let's not forget Jordana Leigh). Genius!

 

"Forgive Me For Raping You"--Frequent Zebub co-conspirator, Steve Nebesni, practically wallows in the depravity in this one. Contains a few genuinely disturbing set pieces.

 

"Disgruntled Employee"--A copy of this was sent to me by the impossibly hot (and NerdRemix Horror Hottie) Angelina Leigh. Angelina really shines in this as the bitchy object (along with plenty of other hot ladies) of loser janitor Nebesni's revenge. Truly un-nerving and cringe inducing to watch at times, this film almost makes you feel like a sick fuck for liking it.

 

"Breaking Her Will"--A tribute to fetish films, this film is all the more topical in the wake of that Castro guy with his basement captives. A ripe, misogynistic plot is brought to creepy life by a really good cast, and great set pieces.

 

"Jesus, The Daughter of God"--Laugh out loud moments in this tale of a "quantum leaping" stripper, ported into the body of the messiah. A great comedic turn by Scarlett Storm (who is sexy as Hell) make this a sacrilegious good time! Bonus points for including Mike O'Mahoney as a ball sack punching bag!

 

"Jesus-The Total Douchebag"--More iconoclastic skewering of religious themes, this is Bill at his finger-in-the-eye best! If you're not already, you'll definitely be smoking turds in Hell for viewing this period piece.

 

"Surreal Sicko"--My least favorite of Zebub's work. I'm not sure if he was aiming too high on the "art" scale, or just playing with different styles. Plenty of naked females and quasi-psychedelic images are included, just doesn't seem to have a focus.

 

            I still have a lot to go through in this prolific bastard's body of work. But, rest assured, if you dare to pick up one of this man's films, you'll definitely get: hot metal chicks, loud metal music, scathing socio-political commentary, the trampling of the most sacred religious beliefs, naked girls tied to trees, and lots of laughs and cringes!! Bill Zebub is truly an "artist" by the very definition of the word and accomplishes more with 30 minutes of film than 90% of the so called "mavericks" of indie film--this ain't "controversy for controversy's sake" people, this is the real shit!

 

            So, if you find yourself wandering around Cinema Wasteland any time soon, and you spy a wild eyed, frizzy-haired guy in an old school metal tee shirt, pick up one of his DVDs---you'll possibly be sacrificing you immortal soul to an eternity of torment, but, fuck it, you'll do it with a smile on your face!

 

I'm Tom, and I'll swallow your soul--send it to me at: tom@nerdremix.com

 

People, Projects, and....Stuff.

Ahhhh....There's those few directors, that, when they announce a new project, make indie film enthusiasts like myself get excited. James Balsamo is one of those guys. He's a fan of goofy, low-fi horror flicks that makes goofy, low-fi horror flicks for other fans of goofy, low-fi horror flicks, and that, friends, is a very good thing!

"here fishy-fishy..."

 

"Hack Job", "I Spill Your Guts" and the aptly titled "Cool As Hell" have primed the horror/action/comedy pump, so to speak, for Balsamo's new joint "Catch of the Day".

 





 

Judging from the very Lovecraftian fish monster on the poster art, this looks like more cheesy goodness from Acid Bath Productions (home of the coolest logo ever!). Featuring the always smiling Mr. Balsamo in the lead (this guy seems to be having the time of his life on camera in all of his films), "Catch of the Day" will feature a shit-ton of cameos culled from the indie film and music elite. The list, which is just as eclectic as James' previous efforts, will include: Tuesday Knight, Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts, Debbie Rochon (fuck yes!), Johnny Legend, Jennifer Banko, Irwin Keyes, Carmine Capobianco and lead singer of Suffocation Frank Mullen. Can't wait to review this little slice of fishy-ness! The flick is already available for pre-order online through the Acid Bath Productions site at www.acidbathproductions.com/store.

 

that's one lucky monitor!

            My favorite Canadian, the amazing Jessica Cameron, is currently shopping her directorial debut, "Truth or Dare" on the festival circuit, so add that to the list of stuff I'm dying to review as well.

"see what happens when you run with scissors, you little fuckers?"

 

Featuring the co-writing talents of Jonathan Higgins, and an awesome duo of actresses, Devanny Pinn and Heather Dorff (as well as the aforementioned Ms. Cameron and a slew of others), "Truth or Dare" looks like a gory good time! If you can take anything away from the photos popping up on social media, it's that screening rooms of some of your favorite conventions will soon be splattered with the red stuff! Horror nerds rejoice!! http://truthordarethemovie.com/

 

            The extremely busy and talented Jessica has also been recently added to the cast of noted director Pearry Teo's new flick "Bedlam Stories". Lots of poster art has been posted on the film's Facebook page (go give it a "like") and it looks creepy as shit! Teo's previous efforts have been exercises in dark, moody, dread and this, featuring a story set in a mental institution, looks to be ratcheting up the scares! I, personally, am pretty fucking excited to see what this mad genius has cooked up for this outing. A great cast and a talented director should translate into nasty, violent fun!

https://www.facebook.com/bedlamstories?fref=ts

 

            As always, send your: anti-fat guy bile, venomous letters, fanboy angst, and stupid diatribes to: tom@nerdremix.com

 

"American Mary" or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Soskas (again).

 

 

            Jen & Sylvia Soska, the Twisted Twins, two ladies from the Great White North with: beauty, film making prowess and a punk-as-fuck attitude. My indoctrination began a few years ago with "Dead Hooker In A Trunk". I loved this brutal, funny, absurdly gory, little cinematic middle finger so much that I couldn't stop talking about it! It remains one of my "go to" films when I need something to put a smile on my face (yeah, I know, that's sorta fucked up...) and lose myself in the violent fairy tale. I wasn't alone either, the indie scene, and, especially, the small press bloggers and reviewers, had universal praise and enthusiasm for the film and the ladies themselves.

 

            I didn't get to review "Dead Hooker" for NerdRemix (Derek got that screener I believe), but I got a copy eventually, and quickly became a fan (so much so, that when I did my whole "shilling for the indie films" product placement for my short film "Zombitch!", I was awed when Ken over at Killingboxx contacted the ladies, who then sent a DHIAT tee shirt and sticker--yeah, if you've seen it, the zombitch is wearing it!). So, yeah, I was suitably impressed--speaking of impressed, you know how they have The Fonz' jacket from "Happy Days" in the Smithsonian?? I think Sylvia's jeans from "Dead Hooker" oughta be in there too--they're much more epic! Who's with me??

            Fast forward a little bit, the buzz for their next feature, "American Mary" was just starting, I was getting frequent progress press releases via email, poster art and the like, and was pimping the shit outta it on social media and NerdRemix. It looked like it was gonna be amazing, everyone was talking about it, Hell, I even wrote a big, ass-kissy, post about Jen & Sylvia heading to Cannes to sell it! This was big news!!! I couldn't wait to get my filthy, fanboy hands on this fucker to review it!!

            I sent a few messages (and I'm sure the ladies got a shitload) asking for a screener and...nothing. Seriously?? What the righteous fuck?? Did they turn their noses up at us "small press" assholes?? I was kinda pissed...I thought they were "cool".

 

            At long last, I ended up picking up the UK blu-ray online (it released there a few months before the US) and sat down to watch it, already knowing I was going to hate it and expose it for a suck-fest!! Then I shot my, always barely coherent, video review...

            I have a confession to make, I let my pissy-assed-ness at not getting a screener cloud my review. I did, I freely admit it. It was a total dick move. People, for some reason, like my stuff because I'm fair and will call a turd a turd, even if a friend or favorite person made it. But I dropped the ball, and acted like a petulant little he-cunt. Honestly, my review wasn't all that terrible, but I wasn't fair and I knew it.

            Fast forward a bit more, and I chatted up someone who I'll only identify as "Director X". Director X said he had hung out with the ladies, and they explained that they simply weren't allowed by the distributor (or the head honcho, or who the fuck ever) to distribute screeners or something to that extent. So, me being me, and also in denial that I was a dickface, and also feeling inspired by another repeat viewing of "Dead Hooker", took another look at "American Mary".

            Ladies, I apologize. "American Mary" is an exceptional film. Katherine Isabelle was outstanding as the chilly, sexy, detached Mary Mason. The film looked slick, polished, and sharp yet still maintained that "indie feel". It's quite an accomplishment and marks a really cool, really well defined progression in your craft and you should be (and I'm sure you are) extremely proud of it. You didn't need me to tell you that, but, since I was a dick, I felt compelled to let you know. I stand firm on my "didn't like the ending" position, and you probably should have tried to get that Kardashian chick that looks like a dude to do some body modification on, but it's definitely lived up to the hype.

            There! I got my integrity back (who knew I had THAT?).

 

Send your hate filled missives, back-handed compliments, anti-establishment manifestos, and short films about Amish serial killers to: tom@nerdremix.com

My Cthulhu, Sweet Cthulhu, I Only Have Eyes For You-Loo!! (and other literary musings)

So, as you may know, I've been continuing my Lovecraft obsession, I've read pretty much all the significant stuff (and some that isn't), so I'll retire him for now until the mood strikes me again.
"The Dunwich Horror"--the film doesn't do the story ANY justice-please someone make a new, faithful version!!
"The Call of Cthulhu"--the "mythos" surrounding this may just become my new religion! It's certainly as plausible as Christianity or any of the other major religions (more so than Scientology for sure!). Plus, tentacles!! How can you go wrong with tentacles???
Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention one of my favorite films from a few years ago, Ivan Zuccon's "Colour From the Dark" (loosely based on "Colour Out of Space") featuring....THE Debbie Rochon!! She was outstanding in this outstanding film, run, don't walk to buy it! By all accounts, HP was a racist, Xenophobic fuck, so he probably wouldn't like the Italian setting, but hey, he's dead! If Lovecraft were alive today, it stands to reason he'd be writing a horror blog from his Grandma's basement with his cats--check his back story, it could totally happen!!
Until I revisit his stuff, I'll say this--keep my cities cyclopean, my darkness stygian, my knowledge forbidden, and my horror eldritch, bitches!!

He ain't Lovecraft, but Rob DiLauro wrote a fuckin' book!! No shit!!

 

DiLauro, best known for his genre radio hosting skillz, has tried his hand at writing, and I must say, he's pretty damned good at it. "Scorn" book one, is now available via Amazon.com in digital and hard copy versions. I'll keep this "spoiler free", but Rob shows a skilled hand at character development, suspense, story flow, and engaging prose. "Scorn" is quite an achievement, and seemingly, a precursor to more literary scares from this Michigan native. I dug it quite a bit and can't wait to see what's next in the series--it delivers the goods man! Definitely check it out!

 

 

Until next time jerkees!! Send your bile to: tom@NerdRemix.com

 



"Evil Dead" 2013--Re-makes and the Lunatics That Debate Them

Ahhh re-makes, does anything stir up controversy, set fanboy's blood boiling, or fire up message boards across the genre quite like the news that a beloved "classic" is being re-made? Like it or not, they seem to be here to stay for the immediate future, some I enjoyed ("Last House on the Left" and "The Hills Have Eyes" are but two) and some I despised (fuck you "Friday the 13th" re-make! Fuck you right in the eyehole of your fucking cheap hockey mask!!), but lately, a lot of hate has been directed at the recent "Evil Dead" redux. Now, far be it from me to tell you what to like, but some of the reasons cited for hating on this (and a lot of other re-makes) are just plain absurd.

 

            So, please, for a moment, clear your mind of any pre conceived notions of supposed suction, and follow me!

 

 

REASONS YOU SOUND LIKE A WHINY FANBOY...

 

1. "This abomination adds too much, assumes to much too of the original's story, or it's a 'Shot-for-Shot' copy"

 

Okay, so "The Omen" was a slavish copy of the original (and also sucked), but you guys get fired up when a director expands on a story to avoid this criticism too! Example-Rob Zombie's "Halloween". "He added too much!! There's no mystery to Myers anymore!! He pissed all over Carpenter's vision!! He made Michael too human!!"--do those sound familiar? Maybe you uttered those same phrases, or maybe posted them on a board on the 'net? C'mon someone did, these things just don't happen! And when Zombie threw the whole original outline out the window for "H2"--you all cried foul again! Anyways, whether you want to own up to it or not, you're damning the film makers no matter the route they choose. "Evil Dead" featured a storyline that actually was a lot more challenging than the original's, they kept the vital parts intact, and added some nuances that worked really well in my opinion. So, in reaching a sort of "middle ground" they may have pandered to the demographic a bit, but hey, fucked if they do-fucked if they don't, right?

 

2. "'Evil Dead 2013' was FULL of plot holes!!"

 

Seriously? You just made that fucking argument with a straight face?? Have you watched the original lately?? Go ahead, pop in the DVD, check it out-I'll be here when you get back...See? The original had major plot holes as well--I ain't even going into them here. So, if you're going to bag on the re-make for that, get a grip. And if you're pissed that they didn't "fix" the plot holes? See item #1.

 

3. "Characters--I didn't care about them, too one dimensional, also, where were the iconic names??"

 

Okay let me break this down for you--"A Nightmare on Elm St."--the re-make wasn't a terrible film, no, let that sink in for a second, it really wasn't. The reason it didn't fly with genre fans? No Robert Englund!! No offense to Jackie Earle Haley (or Kelly Leake), dude, I loved him in "Watchmen", but there's no Freddy without Robert! Now, imagine for a second, Ash without Bruce Campbell...scary isn't it? Exactly! And one dimensional, "throw away" characters?? Okay, a little challenge, you know all of those 80's slasher films that clogged up the video shelves back in the day that are now regarded as "classics" even though they're mostly artless tripe?? Name some characters, other than the iconic killers themselves (or the occasional final girl)...annnnnnd...GO! Most of the time when a genre film, like "Evil Dead", takes time with character development, everybody screams "BOOOOORINGGG!! get on with the carnage already!!". So, again, it's no win situation for a writer/director.

 

4. "The plot was sooooo predictable"

 

Again, seriously?? What? Did you want everyone to live happily ever after?? This is a horror film for shit's sake!! There's an axe in corner of this house? Of course it's going to eventually be used to chop a fucker up!!! Someone goes into the cellar alone?? Of course they're going to meet a bad goddamned end!! And, on top of all of this, it's a RE-MAKE!!!! If you want all kinds of plot variations, watch a "new" film (or see item #1).

 

5. "How dare they re-make this classic anyways?"

 

This is an easy one--DON'T BUY A TICKET! Really, if you want the current trend of re-making every marginally successful horror film to end--don't support it!! Hollywood is built on money, it literally talks while bullshit walks. If nobody is buying it, they'll quit selling it--supply and demand folks! Bitching on social media probably won't do it, especially if you're bitching after you've paid 25 bucks for the blu-ray. And, while we're on the subject, the word "classic" is getting applied to a lot of turds lately. Case in point, the "Night of the Demons" re-make. Now, whatever your opinion of this "classic" (*cough-cough*, sorry, had something in my throat there...), the fanboy whining about it was priceless!! The original is not now, nor was it ever, an "art" film. Yet the passion that people complained about the re-make with was mind boggling!! I honestly think the only way the producers would have made anyone even a tiny bit happy would have been to trot out Linnea Quigley to drop her top or something!! Good thing they didn't go that far, but I don't think I'm alone in the opinion that they made a new film that was in many ways more entertaining than the original. Just goes to show, one man's "classic" is another man's cinematic stool sample!

 

            Bottom line--there's a lot to like about "Evil Dead 2013", it's violent, gory, cringe inducing in parts, and was made with a careful eye on the expectations of the fans. Embrace that shit! If they're going to keep churning out re-makes, at least we, as horror loving chuckle-heads, can support the ones that make a decent effort at re-telling a story we've all grown to love. If, after me trying desperately to make you see the light, you still want to whine, cry, and bitch about re-makes (even the quality ones), then just say "I didn't like it" or "I like the original better" rather than trying to prop up some half-assed reason or logic as to WHY it sucks!

Now, who's ready for the "Munster Go Home" re-make with Johnny Depp and Nic Cage?? Whooooooooooo-Hooooooooo!!!

 

 All complaints, death threats, bottles of free booze, and requests for sexually explicit "selfies" of other horror film reviewers (I'm looking at YOU James DePaolo!) can be sent to: tom@NerdRemix.com 

 

The Audient Void--My Current Lovecraft Obsession

 

 

 

            Lately, I've been knee deep in library books, getting equally knee deep into tales of: Arkam, The great Old Ones, weird cults, sleepy/creepy coastal New England villages, Miskatonic University, the Necronomicon, and nightmarish visions of arcane knowledge...that's right, the literary musings of HP Lovecraft.

 

            While you may or may not be a fan (admittedly, some of his early stuff is hack work), you can't deny the influence, on all things horror, that the guy Stephen King cites as his primary inspiration has had. With this in mind, I decided to revisit (and visit for the first time) some of the Lovecraft adapted horror cinema out there---I'm sure everyone has their favorites, but these are the ones I have in my crazy, hoarder-type, DVD collection...so, let's begin.

 

"Re-Animator"(1985)--Yeah, really obvious, but Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna managed to create a funny/repulsive little franchise that incorporates elements from Lovecraft's tale in all 3 installments--plus, let's be honest--Barbara Crampton!! Classics all of 'em!

 

"Dagon"(2001)--A creepy, frankly scary, little yarn, that, while sporting a change in venue and some character shuffling, is a pretty awesome re-creation of the fabled Innsmouth. Gordon really cooks here, serving up slimy handfuls of frog/fish goodness! Definitely check this one out--very underrated.

 

"In The Mouth of Madness"(1994)--While it doesn't exactly have Lovecraft's name attached, c'mon man! A variation/hybrid of several stories, this film contains a few genuinely unnerving set pieces. Probably the most overlooked film in John Carpenter's catalog (equally the fault of the unsatisfying, ambiguous ending and Sam Neill's criminal over acting...), this is probably one you'd want to skip, unless you're a diehard JC fan or have 90 or so minutes to waste...

 

"The Call of Cthulhu"(2005)--A black and white, silent film that is just pure genius! Andrew Leman's faithful adaptation really shines because of it's look and ambition. Superb sets on a shoestring budget, and it really captures what a film made in HP's time would have looked like. In a word--Excellent!

 

"The Dunwich Horror"(1970)--Psychedelic dream orgies, Dean Stockwell acting hella fucked up while looking like Harry Reems, 75% of Sandra Dee's left tit, and a guy that appears to be the Caucasian version of Grady from "Sanford & Son"--Daniel Haller's AIP released effort, if nothing else, keeps you watching! Sets and characters that typify the gothic cinema of the era (Hammer/AIP), this is one that's not to be missed! Campy and fun.

 

"From Beyond"(1986)--Stuart Gordon again-and he brings along a cast that's like a genre nerd's wet dream! Fire up those pineal glands, and pop this entertaining gem into your DVD deck! Adding a liberal amount to the sparse source material, this film manages to expand into a sci-fi pulp comic brought to vivid life. Ken Foree, Jeff Combs, and the amazing Ms. Crampton (who also dons a leather/latex bondage get up...just picture that for a sec...take all the time you need...) romp through this freaky, nasty, bloody story of science run amok.

 

"The Unnamable"(1998)--Basically a "monster kills teens fucking in a haunted house" film, director Jean-Paul Ouellette, however, manages to work in almost all of the original story's finer points. Kind of a decent popcorn film, and it creates a cool back-story only hinted at in Lovecraft's work. Check it out.

 

            Well, let me grab my bookmark, read some more, and pop this DVD of the "Masters of Horror" episode from Stuart Gordon into the player....